Funny Farm Acres

Farm Chronicles: The Sunken Place

And then I sent her back into the world to finish her route, smelling for all the world, like a sewer.

Farm Chronicles: Mystery Fluid

I am %100 positive that anyone who has a pet or a child in the house can relate. You’re going about your business, head in the clouds when you manage to slide your bare foot or hand into something unexpectedly moist. You know well the onset of sheer panic as you try to figure out…

Farm Chronicles: Jive Turkey

I accept the fact that I am now a crazy chicken lady. I have two incubators that are in constant use. I love hatching chicks. Every 21 days, I can have a new batch of fuzzies. I understand their language now. I am one with my flock. In celebration of my 41st name day,…

Farm Chronicles: To Peel a Squirrel

While unsuccessfully hunting for a raccoon near my chicken coops this morning, I saw the cat chasing a squirrel in a tree. I have acres full of squirrels and I was not particularly concerned about the cat catching this guy. He was fast. He ducked and dodged. He taunted and chittered. He was outwitting…

Farm Chronicles: I Swear I Only Had One Beer!

Farm Chronicles: I Swear I Only Had One Beer! You wanna here about the most embarrassing moment of my life? Having a family dinner at Rock n Brews in Oviedo. We had a great spot on the patio. Top notch food, good beer. It was a great night. Gabby asked to go to the bathroom.…

Farm Chronicles: A dead chicken, a rooster attack, and copious amounts of vomit.

I just wanted to play Xbox with my kid. I’ve been anticipating the day when she’d be old enough to play games with me. It’s also an excuse to to buy the new hotness in game systems because it’s for the children… It was a special occasion to me. I’d finally get to share…

Farm Chronicles: Youth in Asia

A chicken was harmed in the making of this blog entry. *This contains a graphic description of a chicken slaughter.* Dingleberries. Chickens are not supposed to have dingleberries but this one did. Prolapse chicken was once again walking the yard with a significant portion of her guts following behind. I tried to remedy the situation…

Farm Chronicles: He came in like a wrecking ball

There is one rooster in my flock that does not get along with anyone. He can’t crow so he just sits around doing this awkward scream every time I come into the coop. None of the hens will mate with him, none of the other roosters respect him, and he just barrels high speed…

Farm Chronicles: It’s too damn early for this!

I manage to keep most wildlife outside of the house where it can be observed but not interacted with. I prefer it this way. I love to watch wild animals but I don’t want them touching my stuff. So imagine my surprise @ 630 this morning when I found the huge bastard of a…

Farm Chronicles: For the Night Is dark and Full of Terrors

When I stepped into the backyard of the house in a quiet suburb, I was hit by the smell of shit and death. I had visited this place two weeks before and somethings had changed, namely the torn animal pens, the scattered feathers and chicken pieces, and the upset woman, April, who’d asked me…